Hello my friends,
A wise but frustrated friend recently pointed out my flaws to myself. Looking at the downside of things…that’s what he said I’m doing.
The funny thing is, I knew immediately that he was right.
An image from this morning popped into my head. I was focused on having gained a few pounds – I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror. The more I brood over it, the worse it gets; those pounds multiply when I obsess over them.
Another idea: do I focus on not tensing my neck, or do I let my neck be free? It’s not the same thing.
Mulling his comment over, a clear childhood memory came back. I remember reading a saying in a coloring book, of all places. It said, “What you look for, you shall find.” And indeed, that was me, this morning.
True story: In this coloring book was a picture of a garden. I remember it clearly. You were supposed to hunt and find pictures of weeds and color them in. The next page had a garden with the assignment to color in the flowers. I enjoyed that one much more. Of course the third page explained it was the same drawing, and the phrase…
For some reason that lesson goes out of my head and needs to be brought back periodically, and this wonderful world provides me with friends who remind me. Ouch. And thank you.
After he pointed this out to me, I started seeing it everywhere.
I notice that I tense up when I’m fearful of re-injuring my left foot. Tense up and it starts to hurt. Let go of the fear and pain goes out of the body. To the degree it is connected with tension, for me personally, this is true. Sometimes, to a very high degree of truth.
It holds true with people I love. Do I look at their annoying habits and get really irked and want to leave? Or do I remember the endearing way someone brings flowers, however few but pink and purple and sweet?
What you look for you shall find. Those filters are everywhere.
Do you look at life through fear colored glasses? Or rosy ones called hope?
Lately I’m realizing it’s very useful to ask for what I do want. Call it Law of Attraction. The power of positivity. Whatever you like :).
Rather than saying, don’t tense my neck,
I say to myself, my neck is free “Tsavar hovshi,” in Hebrew, which is how I first learned these words. I am free – I am free to think whatever I want – I am free to do or not to do – free to choose my direction.* I allow those words to drift from my conscious mind into my subconscious – where it becomes my manner of Being, at least for today.
True story again: I used to tell myself, oh, those dancers are better than me – and be too scared to set foot on the floor.
I was intimidated to dance during Rounds with all the high-level dancers so confidently flying across the floor. I was dancing a Basic Waltz pattern, all alone, and terrified of making my beginner mistakes.
I kept showing up but sat on the sidelines. I was intimidated, thinking to myself, maybe one day, but not today. I want to but I can’t. Thoughts like that – they limited me – and I was clinging with all my might to the not-thoughts.
Three months later I finally told myself, I can do this. Or if I can’t, I’m doing it anyway. It was already just about the end of class, the ante-penultimate moment. I told myself, I can do this. One little bit – yes, I will do this – and I did – just a few phrases of music. Class ended. I shed a few tears. And then – nothing! Nobody noticed.
What? After all that, I dance, and no one notices? I went home, and something was different. It still felt strange for awhile, but never the same. There is a place inside that wants to share the moment, and I found it.
Now I hear it automatically; “I can do that,” or “I can do this,” and just DANCE In front of a partner, in front of the class, it doesn’t matter. Claim it – own the mistakes and the positive improvement, too.
What you look for, you will find.
When you look at your dancing, what do you look for? What do you find?
What if you tried looking for, “what is good about what I do?”
What would that change and how would you feel?
How would it feel going on the dance floor with your heart full of what you DO do well?
Dance without limits.
*with thanks to Jennifer Roig-Francoli and her Freedom Directions.
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