Hello my friends,
When I was a little girl, I would scuff the toes of my shoes on purpose, striking horror into the heart of my grandmother.
I liked the sensation in my feet.
I had cute, red leather Mary Jane sandals.
I must’ve been four years old or younger.
My grandfather would take me on a walk, and I’d drag the toes of my back foot on the ground, first one, then the other. Round-toed shoes with heavy leather, they protected my feet.
I liked the feeling in my toes as I dragged them behind me.
My grandfather indulged me and ignored my wasteful ways. My grandmother scolded me sharply when we came back home.
Memories of feet.
Feet feelings, coming from the feet, to me.
When I was young, my feet and I were One.
Bare feet in the green grass, tickly feet, happy feet.
First time wearing heels – tippy feet.
All these funny and happy thoughts are coming to me as my foot heals.
When I was in pain, my thoughts ran to worry about how long I can practice before it hurts. Tensing up in anticipated discomfort when rising on my toes.
Every time I dance now and it doesn’t hurt, I suddenly smile.
My ankles soften, I can move them better. Suddenly I’m anticipating pleasure. My ankles, now free to bend and move, surprise me.
And I hope I can keep this consciousness new and alive,
Not to take it for granted but to enjoy it, foot by foot, moment by moment.
I tell my students who are in pain, we tend to notice the parts that hurt. Pain gets our attention.
I say, “Notice what works! If something feels good, notice that! Practice that!”
Our bodies hear our thoughts and respond in kind. They learn everything, even: expect pain, tense muscles, and dance, tension exacerbating pain. Remember this? “What you look for, you shall find.”
Find someplace that doesn’t hurt.
Find another place.
Focus where you want to go.
Remembering happiness helps my feet go easy across the floor.
Saturday morning dance class, six years running. Whirling round the living room floor. Folk dance at lunchtime on the quad, barefoot on the grass. Unexpected memories surfacing as I pause and
Some of the healing is in my mind.
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