My friend, Shelley Lundquist, wrote a beautiful perspective on blame vs. compassion:
“When we blame, it’s always about us not the other person. When we see flaws in others as opposed to understanding that they are doing the best they can with what they have, we are judging them. When we judge, we leave little room for love and compassion. These are our limitations, not theirs.”
“The fault is in the blamer – Spirit sees nothing to criticize.” ~ Rumi ♥♥
She added, “Judgment creates walls. Love tears them down.
When we learn to look through eyes of Love, all we see is a person’s magnificence transforming itself anew every single day.”
Staying poised in myself is the most difficult part. After all, it’s easy enough to look at people with love when I’m feeling centered and calm. I can withhold blame. I am able to look outside myself and see that maybe they are tired, or scared. It is not an excuse to shout and scream, but it makes me see they are simply human.
When I’m off balance, it’s much easier to be reactive and upset than calm and compassionate. Especially when it concerns the people to whom I feel closest, it can be very difficult to suspend judgment.
This is the area of life that I’m working to apply Alexander Technique to myself.
Alexander Technique is a way of connecting mind – literally, your thoughts – and your body – so that everything works in harmony. When you’re tense, your muscles tighten. When your muscles are tight, your mind gets tight. Emotions can be tense, too.
It’s a way of balancing the body-mind-spirit. Like cooking, you don’t want to put too much salt in the soup. In life, it doesn’t feel good with too much tension in the shoulders.
When I practice Alexander Technique, I automatically become more present in my body. I come back to my Self, and when I do that, I have separation between me and someone who might have been upset or angry a moment ago. It helps me step back, stop, and notice myself. When I’m busy being present in my body, in the moment, in the Now, I’m not being busy over there inside of someone else’s head, arguing with them.
It’s the Aikido principle of stepping aside and letting the other force take itself away from me. Suddenly I don’t have to judge. Their own energy will be what they have to deal with; not me. I am aware of being in my body, self-contained and more Self-aware.
Applying Alexander Technique to my body has become a way of being. It’s like dancing inside my body, through life.
I find it far more difficult to apply it to my inner poise than balancing my head over my toes. It’s humbling, and a worthwhile effort.
Shelley Lundquist wrote: “It is a challenge for most all of us on given days Dana. Awareness is the key. We can change anything we choose when we become aware of it.”
I would add, that keys to awareness are good to have. Collect them wherever you may find them.